Mellow parents make mellow kids
Stress, it would seem, is like a virus. We can pass it on to those we are in close contact with.
It isn't rocket science to suggest that our mood effects our kids moods, but a study released today goes further, to show that there are concrete links between parents stress levels and children’s health.
There was an article on BBC News today based on a study from the University of Rochester in NY State that found sickness levels were higher in children of anxious or depressed parents.[1]
Some reflections on parenting and stress.
Children cause stress
Stress comes from lots of places, work obviously, money and relationships but
things are complicated by the reality that the pressure of parenthood, the responsibility and demands (remember how carefree the days before children seem now?) and financial pressures are all sources of stress. If we look at pictures of ourselves from before the kids were born - how much younger and healthier we looked.
There was an interesting aspect of the article where an academic from Bristol university wanted parents not to worry about this too much - recognising that parents feel responsible for everything that goes wrong, and now this could just make things worse. We are stressed because we are responsible, and now that stress is making our children ill. Great.
The need for control. What are your priorities for your kids? How do you want them to grow up? My suspicion is that we have much less say over this than we think. Children learn far more from who we are than what we say. The greatest influence shaping how your kids grow up is how you live your life. If this is true I think it is really quite liberating. Instead of working my ass off to try and give my children the sort of childhood I think they ought to have, I need to think far more about the lifestyle that I am modelling to them. Do I have a happy balance of work, rest, play, love, fun, friendship, involvement and reflection in my life? [2]
Is my life one that I am happy for my children to emulate? It needs to be because they will.
Entering their world. I read someone else say these words, that I had never dared to say. Children's play is boring, most children's books are boring too. I struggled with this for years when my girls were tiny. When I read bedtime stories I would fall asleep before they did! I love to see them making up their own games, imagining new worlds, I just don’t always want to join in.
But making time to play with your kids is not only a great stress relief it is hugely rewarding, not just in the short term but in the long term.
But of course you children want you to play with them - not least because you are potentially the most exciting playmate that could have. You can do things bigger and more exciting than they ever dreamed of, you can take them places that they could never go alone.
Time spent playing energetically and imaginatively is good for you and for your kids. Enjoy it, and stop feeling guilty when you can’t
Shared parenting Some of the most relaxed family times I can remember when we were were friends with families. The kids were off playing together, the parents sat around and chatted. We need to do this much more, certainly for holidays, but why not regularly at weekends. It perhaps even effects our life choices - where are we going to live, should we more house. The benefits of shared parenting are huge for both parents and children.
1 The researchers, led by Dr Mary Caserta, followed the parents of 169 children over a three-year period, with the parents recording instances of childhood illness, before undergoing six-monthly psychiatric evaluations. Full article on the BBC http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7302955.stm
2 See article on Balance
It isn't rocket science to suggest that our mood effects our kids moods, but a study released today goes further, to show that there are concrete links between parents stress levels and children’s health.
There was an article on BBC News today based on a study from the University of Rochester in NY State that found sickness levels were higher in children of anxious or depressed parents.[1]
Some reflections on parenting and stress.
Children cause stress
Stress comes from lots of places, work obviously, money and relationships but
things are complicated by the reality that the pressure of parenthood, the responsibility and demands (remember how carefree the days before children seem now?) and financial pressures are all sources of stress. If we look at pictures of ourselves from before the kids were born - how much younger and healthier we looked.
There was an interesting aspect of the article where an academic from Bristol university wanted parents not to worry about this too much - recognising that parents feel responsible for everything that goes wrong, and now this could just make things worse. We are stressed because we are responsible, and now that stress is making our children ill. Great.
The need for control. What are your priorities for your kids? How do you want them to grow up? My suspicion is that we have much less say over this than we think. Children learn far more from who we are than what we say. The greatest influence shaping how your kids grow up is how you live your life. If this is true I think it is really quite liberating. Instead of working my ass off to try and give my children the sort of childhood I think they ought to have, I need to think far more about the lifestyle that I am modelling to them. Do I have a happy balance of work, rest, play, love, fun, friendship, involvement and reflection in my life? [2]
Is my life one that I am happy for my children to emulate? It needs to be because they will.
Entering their world. I read someone else say these words, that I had never dared to say. Children's play is boring, most children's books are boring too. I struggled with this for years when my girls were tiny. When I read bedtime stories I would fall asleep before they did! I love to see them making up their own games, imagining new worlds, I just don’t always want to join in.
But making time to play with your kids is not only a great stress relief it is hugely rewarding, not just in the short term but in the long term.
But of course you children want you to play with them - not least because you are potentially the most exciting playmate that could have. You can do things bigger and more exciting than they ever dreamed of, you can take them places that they could never go alone.
Time spent playing energetically and imaginatively is good for you and for your kids. Enjoy it, and stop feeling guilty when you can’t
Shared parenting Some of the most relaxed family times I can remember when we were were friends with families. The kids were off playing together, the parents sat around and chatted. We need to do this much more, certainly for holidays, but why not regularly at weekends. It perhaps even effects our life choices - where are we going to live, should we more house. The benefits of shared parenting are huge for both parents and children.
1 The researchers, led by Dr Mary Caserta, followed the parents of 169 children over a three-year period, with the parents recording instances of childhood illness, before undergoing six-monthly psychiatric evaluations. Full article on the BBC http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7302955.stm
2 See article on Balance
